Prompt 181: Forgotten
by ncfan
Summary: Prompt 181: Forgotten: 20 things Bridget has forgotten. Contains spoilers. T for safety.


Prompt 181: Forgotten: 20 things Bridget has forgotten.

Disclaimer: I don't own _The Record of a Fallen Vampire._

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_Bridget can't remember the sadness hidden deep within Strauss' voice the day he came to take her away from the Palace.

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Bridget can't remember exactly how Adelheid found out she was her older sister. She just knows that it had something to do with roses and her mother, the lady Ghislaine Frostheart. She does remember how mortified gentle Adelheid looked after discovering that her father had both had a bastard daughter and had essentially abandoned her upon her birth, and that that bastard daughter had been the same young woman she had admired for years.

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Bridget can't remember just how much she hated Stella when she learned that the latter was pregnant, or how it took the destruction of two training posts and an antique vase to cool her temper.

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Bridget can't remember how much she hated getting out of bed when she was younger.

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Bridget has forgotten the hope she saw in Ethel's eyes when she first told him about the cure.

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Bridget can't bring herself to remember the agony in Strauss' voice the day he learned Stella was dead.

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Bridget has long since forgotten the guilt radiating off of Maria Saverhagen when she introduced Bridget to the First Black Swan, her daughter.

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Bridget can't remember the fear she felt for her sister when Strauss marched off in the general direction of Adelheid's quarters.

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Bridget never knew how her father looked at her all the times he saw her. When he saw her in battle, there was pride in his eyes and approval in his face. When she was alone and upset, he was hard-pressed to hide the worry he felt. When she was with Adelheid, he seemed both approving and a little apprehensive. And when she was with Strauss, laughing, talking and planning, in his eyes there was always a flicker of something bordering on envy.

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Bridget can't remember the apprehension she felt when sending Yuki off into battle against Strauss. She can only remember her thoughts of the irony of life when she discovered that Yuki was the 49th Black Swan. _Looks like Stella, talks like Stella, acts like Stella. I wonder how long it will be before one of these old ghosts tries to strangle me._

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She doesn't remember all the grief she shoved down after Yuki died, and just how much she drank. She just knows that the first five days after Yuki's death were an alcohol-laced blur. She and Renka got into a large number of drinking contests in those five days. And they _honestly_ couldn't remember any of it.

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Bridget doesn't remember just how many times she threw up into the nearest basin after finding Stella's mangled body.

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Bridget doesn't _like_ to remember how Morishima was looking at her that night on the ship after complaining about not being able to hide anything from her. She does, however, remember the sudden irrational urge to either swat him upside the head or do something to him that neither one of them would _ever_ forget. It would have been interesting, but it just wasn't worth it, being nothing more than a potentially problematic distraction.

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Save for six of them, Bridget doesn't remember the names of any of the Black Swans. The two that stick in her memory most are a red-haired girl who was already dying from an agonizing genetic disease; Bridget always found the girl's attempts to be upbeat both admirable and humbling. The second was an Arabic girl. She refused to remove her veil the whole time they were hunting Strauss; Bridget never saw her face. The girl was a physician, and she died, ironically of a wound that she had treated in others dozens of time, sometime around the close of the 12th century.

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Bridget has forgotten the sweet light she saw in Strauss' face every time he looked at Stella. Deep down, part of her doesn't want to remember.

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Adelheid once did all of Bridget's paperwork for her, flawlessly, because Bridget had fallen asleep at her desk and Adelheid didn't want to wake her. Bridget can't remember just how much she loved her sister in that moment.

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Strauss' soul fled the day Stella died. Bridget has forgotten this, convincing herself that it was the day that he discovered who her killer was that he had become an empty shell.

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Bridget can't remember the number of times she hit her head against the palm of her hand when Renka accidentally killed the 42nd Black Swan. He'd been aiming for Strauss, and hit the young woman instead.

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Bridget can't remember the face of her first kill. She still hears his voice though. "_Funny. All the ways I envisioned myself dying, and I never thought it would be like this. Couldn't you have waited a little longer? My wife is due to give birth in a week."_ She didn't sleep for a week afterwards. She still has insomnia after battles.

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Out of all the things Bridget has forgotten, there are some things that she simply can't forget. She can't forget how she was always the third wheel, always. She can't forget the number of lives that were lost to Adelheid's rampant corruption. She can't forget the faces of the comrades that Strauss killed. She can't forget what it was like to have Strauss' arm through her chest.

And above all, she can't forget how completely her world shattered after Strauss betrayed her. She has lived only for her people, as Strauss did, and nothing else. Her world broke, and no force on earth since has ever been enough to put it back together again.

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Well, what do you think?


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